Starved
by NessieObsessed
Summary: im really bad at summaries. This has a happy ending and a sad ending it is a very long one shot. rated t for anorexia bulimia self-harm, and death. but  has romance. and a hooking storyline.


Starved:

_A/N _

_This is my first BTR story. I am sorry to all of my loyal twi-hard fans that are waiting in anticipation for more passing storm but I had to write this lol. Please read the authors note at the bottom it has a bit of an explanation, and review if you enjoyed this. For now this is a one shot tell me if you think I should continue._

JPOV:

I stood in front of the mirror.

"Not enough." I whispered under my breath.

I heard a nock on the door.

"Gonna get out of there any time pretty boy? Ive got a life…. That starts at 5:00… oh and look its 4:00. Come on Lydia and Belle are going to be here anytime." I wanted to say I was never coming out. Why would I want her seeing me like this… I looked horrific. I was too fat to even look at myself. Ive been working out constantly but I can't get under 120 this is driving me crazy. Ive been working hard I really have.

FLASHBACK

I stood in front of the apartment door. I had prepared my self for this. For 3 years now, I was finally going to tell Katie knight that I was ineradicably in love with her.

But then I opened the door to see her sitting on the couch kissing some dude.

Which you may know now as a cretin, Justin Bieber.

Since then they broke up and got over each other, and were friends.

And I tried to show her I loved her.

She just either never got the message or she didn't feel the same way.

Since I was very blunt.

And she was over Justin.

It had to be that she didn't have feelings for me. So I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what separated me and Justin. And I figured it out… He was thin.

And I gave up for a little. I kept dropping subtle hints. But then, I noticed that girls would walk up to Logan.

Logan is skinnier than me….

That's when I came to the conclusion that I needed my Katie.

And that I needed to loose weight fast.

END FLASHBACK

"JAMES! Are you listening?" I pulled down my shirt quickly and ran out the door.

"Sorry Katie bears." I said as I kissed the top of her head. It was the closest thing I have ever gotten to kissing her. She ran into the bathroom and I went to go sit on the couch. I pulled out my laptop, and went to Parez Hilton's blog.

**DEMI LAVOTO ADMITS HERSELF TO REHAB**

Is the headline that caught my attention. I knew demi and we were close. Not in that kind of way. We were the best of friends up until about a year ago. She admitted to me that she was a lesbian. And two years later we had a falling out. Now I see this?

The article read:

"Demi lavato admits her self into a rehabilitation center in Fresno California for the eating disorders of anorexia and bulimia. When I went to question her, she responded with-

"I don't know exactly when it started. I was always overweight as a child, made fun of too. And I guess when I got to Hollywood, I felt I NEEDED to be thin to make it. Which I still believe is partially true. But only because America is so obsessed with weight. So I decided that it was time to take the next step. And get help."

I closed my laptop and grabbed an old spiral notebook that I had lying with dust on it. I had a plan.

I opened up the first page and wrote, "RULES" on the top of it.

I put down "Diet rules James diamond has to follow."

Only eat dinner and breakfast. (Unless you can avoid it) and throw it up immediately after the meal is through, and the coast is clear.

Never eat anything outside of those two meals.

Water is the only thing allowed.

Throwing up three times a day is required.

Every time you think about food or eating snap a rubber band on your wrist.

Follow the thin commandments.

**If you aren't thin, you're ugly to Katie.  
Being thin and getting Katie, is way more important than being healthy.  
You must do anything to make yourself look thinner for Katie.  
Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.  
Thou shall not eat foods without punishing yourself accordingly.  
The scale is everything.  
Losing=Life, Gaining=Death  
you must become thinner.  
Being thin is perfection and is a sign of true determination**.

At that, I shut the book and went out to watch TV. I grabbed a rubber band on the way. Katie went to go out and she gave me a hug on her way. She just reached my shoulders wearing heels. Cutie pie.

"Who wants to go to Augie's for dinner?"

"I DO" the boys all said in unison.

I thought about the ziti pasta that they had there…. NO FOOD. I let the rubber band take a whack at my wrist.

It stung.

We walked out the door.

I ordered a side salad. Everyone looked at me funny. But I didn't care I was doing this for Katie. Everyone went to go out to the car and I excused my self to go to the bathroom. I promptly threw up every thing I just consumed. I left the bathroom satisfied and left the restaurant to receive many flashes from cameras. This I was also used to. Another small motive to loosing weight. But my main goal, was Katie knight. I loved her with all of my heart. I thought about her as I went into the car. Kendall was the first one to mention weirdness.

"Yo, dude what's infected your brain?"

"Kay….NDALL. Yes you are most certainly Kendall, and I'm just not feeling my best still that's all.

KPOV:

I walked back into the apartment and called out,

"Hello? Is anyone home? Heelloo?"

I got no response, so I was here with nothing to do until the guys and mom got back. My room was already clean. So I decided to clean the boy's rooms.

I finished with Logan and Carlos's room pretty quickly since it was like half a room, Logan kept his side pretty clean.

Then I went into big brother and James's room. I finished with Kendall's side of the room and went to work on James's. I heard them come in as I was finishing his bed, and I found this notebook that said

"Diet Rules James Diamond Has to Follow." And before I could figure out what was inside James walked in the room and ripped it out of my hands.

"GET OUT!" he screamed at me. And I don't know exactly why, but I burst out into tears. I ran into my room and cried on my bed. Then big brother came into my room.

"What's wrong Katie bear?" I just started sobbing more. I honestly didn't know why

(Now that it's after this story I know that I had a connection with James and I felt his pain.)

"I-Its Ja-Ja-James. He got mad at me because I was holding his journal while I cleaned your guy's rooms." He started to rub my back.

"Well Katie? Do you know if I was a personal journal? Did you even read it?" I knew what the cover said, but I don't think James would want me telling Kendall that he had "Diet Rules" whatever that meant.

"No" I said. Then Kendal hugged me then left. I went to sleep.

JPOV:

Dear wlj (weight loss journal.)

I am starting to get the hang of this. I can do this for Katie. I love her. And if Kendall knew this. He would kill me. After all Katie is 2 whole years younger than me. But that won't stop me. I just have to remember. If I can get down to 90 lbs I will be ok. I will have beaten that Justin Bieber at his own game. I will win Katie knight and I will lose the weight.

Next day~~

I woke up to smell bacon frying in the pan. It smelt sooo tasty and I was hunggrryy! SNAP OUT OF IT James YOUR LOSING IT!

I snapped the rubber band at my wrist and there were 6 dark red almost bleeding welts on my wrist. I got out of bed rubbed my wrist. Then Kendall spoke up.

"Are you ok?" Kendall asked in a worried tone. I shrugged him off and we went out into the kitchen.

"Hey guys look!" Carlos said with a cinnamon roll in him mouth.

"Katie made breakfast for everyone." Logan added in.

We sat down and we had breakfast. I only took some black berries, claiming I was still feeling under the weather. Wait I think I could use this to my advantage, and get Katie quicker.

At that moment mama knight came out of her bedroom and took some breakfast. And then I started my act.

"Oh Excuse me guys I gotta go." I said in a sick tone.

I ran off to the bathroom and threw up. I could do this all day without getting pegged. And if I let this last for two days I could get down two 90 and maybe even 80.

This was going to be great.

Katie and Logan rushed into the bathroom after I took my fingers out of my throat.

"Oh my. My cooking is really that bad James?" I instantly felt bad.

"No Katie bear, I was sick before this." She relaxed slightly.

"Are you ok man? Do you want to go to the doctor?"

"NO. I meant no I think this is just a passing thing." I said as I got up, brushed my teeth and went to my room. I took out my journal.

~Dear WLJ

I came up with an ingenious plan of pretending im sick for the next two days to get the weight off. This is perfect. Im going to be sweet sweet Katie's boyfriend. And I am going to love her and I hope she will love me.

KPOV:

I walked past James's room to see him writing in that weird journal.

Smiling,

Why is he smiling?

He's sick?

This makes NOOOO since.

THAT NIGHT~

I was listening to my iPod and I got a wave of hunger. I snapped my rubber band against my wrist more than thirty times and it was bleeding. I just went back to sleep after that thinking about Katie. And how proud she would be to find out that this was all for her.

The next morning I got up second, After Kendall. He was staring at me.

"What do you want?" I groaned out.

"What's that?" he asked as he pointed at my sheets there was a huge blood stain.

"Oh that." He nodded I just said,

"I don't know how that got there, I said hiding my wrist."

"Is there something you want to tell me James?" the tall blonde with emerald green eyes asked. "Are you hurting your self?" he asked sweetly.

"Yes." Is all I said.

And then he helped me up.

I was thankful that he didn't ask anymore questions.

NO POV:

It is now half way through the 3rd day of James's "sickness". (The reason why he looses more weight than just not eating, is that he throws up a lot also.)

JPOV:

I stood there in front of the mirror on the scale. I finally got it I weigh 95 lbs. I am a success I look in the mirror and I look great.  
"Just one more time." I whispered my self as I bent over the toilet and threw up once again. Reaching my final destination. But as I stood up I fell on the ground. I saw blackness. And then I heard Katie's voice.

"JAMES! JAMES!" then I blacked out.

NPOV:

James reached 9 entries in his journal.

KPOV:

I went to check on James but when I went into the bathroom I saw James on a scale in the mirror. He looked scary….

Terrifying….

He was bones…

I could see every single bone that he had…

"Just one more time." I heard him say.

Then he bent over the toilet,

Stuck his fingers down his throat,

And then he threw up.

I felt a sharp pain shoot through me.

I felt the urge to scream.

But my panic would not allow.

As he stood up he fell right back down.

"JAMES! JAMES! SOMEBODY HELP PLEASE!" then Logan came running into the bathroom.

"What's wrong? Why is he sooo thin!" Logan asked as we picked him up and we set him on the bed.

"Im calling 911!" I said as the boys ran in from the other room

"What's going on? Why is James so skinny?" Kendall yelled.

"Hello? I need an ambulance to the palm woods resort. Apartment 3B… thank you… please hurry." I hit the end button, and jumped on top of James. I started crying. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos tried to pull me off but I hit them away.

"James please I can't loose you…." I screamed through the tears.

"James…. I LOVE YOU." I screamed.

Then I bent down and I kissed him. My lips brushed against James's lips and I felt magic. Granted it wasn't the best thing I had ever experienced in the world because it tasted like vomit. Then I backed away. James eyes fluttered open.

"James!" I shouted and I kissed him.

Then at the perfect moment the paramedics came in and put him on a stretcher. I looked back to see Carlos in shock. Still holding his ice cream cone. And James was in shock from me kissing James I think I went over and I hugged Logan I snuggled into his chest. I turned to look at Kendall who was calling mom. Then the door opened and the female paramedic talked to me in a rush.

"Are you Miss. Knight?" she asked and I nodded. " would like for you to accompany him in the ambulance." I looked over to Kendall who was still on the phone.

"Go Katie." Logan said in a sweet but almost torn up voice.

I hurried after the paramedic and went into the ambulance. I sat in a chair next to James and held his hand and cried into it.

JPOV:

I was starting to regain consciousness. I heard Kendall say something. Then I heard Katie calling 911. Then I felt her lightness hit me. Or what was left of me. And scream

"James please I can't loose you…!" At the top of her lungs. Then she continued with.

"James! I LOVE YOU!" then she kissed me. I managed to open my eyes to see the paramedics walk in and to hear Katie scream

"James!" and she kissed me.

I was put on a stretcher and they brought me over to the ambulance.

I looked over to the paramedic.

"Could you please bring Katie knight too?" I asked with a cough. She nodded her head and walked away.

The other paramedic asked me all the normal questions… I noticed that he skipped over weight. Then Katie came to the truck and we started to drive to the hospital.

"So what's got you so sick there bud?" the paramedic said I went to open my mouth but she spoke for me.

"He's bulimic." I stared at her in shock, then added.

"And anorexic…"

She gave me a torn apart look.

The doctor scrawled down some stuff.

Then we were at the hospital. They hooked me up to some stuff then a nurse came in.

"Hello . You have visitors here to see you. Is there any order you would prefer?" she asked in a sweet voice.

My hospital gown was un-forgiving… it shows all of the valleys my skin made against my bones..

"Katie Knight please." I asked. She nodded and turned away. I could finally talk to her alone.

Success.

She was going to be so proud of me.

She opened the door and the look on her face was horrified, like shed seen a ghost. I thought she would be happy she finally liked me. And that I was finally thin.

"Why?" is all she whispered from the doorway.

I was suddenly confused. Isn't this what she wanted?

"You don't like it? You still think im too fat?" she stared at me. She walked over to my side.

"Do you want to know the first thing I thought about when I blacked out? Coins. And I remember the field trip we went on in middle school. When we saw how coins were made. How every one was rimmed and beveled and hand checked to make sure that not a single imperfection passed. You wanna know the last thing I thought about.

You.

And how my experiences since I met you gave me all of my rims and bevels. And now that im thin. I pass the inspection."

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Because I have." She said with a hollow voice.

"James, you wouldn't pass inspection. You would have before all of this mess. Now they would take you out."

"You look like your dead. James. Why on earth would I like this. You're unhealthy, you could die James. Why on earth would you think I wanted that… I love you… the way you were. I always have. I'm gonna be there forever. No matter what happens, because I love you" She smiled and took my hand, she kissed it lightly. I pulled her into me and we kissed.

"I love you" we said in unison.

KPOV:

"I love you" we said in unison. This was so right I would finally be with James forever and ever."

_A/N:_

_this is the end of my happy ending story. After this there is a happy ending epilogue then there is an alternate ending which is not a happy one I recommend you read it though bc that's the full story I intended to write there is also another authors note at the bottom._

Epilogue:

James and I worked on his rehabilitation and he and my brothers are a hugely famous group. And I am a actress/ singer. I have a staring role on gossip girl. I and James got married and we had two children. Their names Jessica and Stan. Who grew up to be famous and I incredibly talented. James broke off into a solo career and was incredibly successful.

ALTERNATE ENDING:

KPOV:

"I love you" we said in unison. This was so right I would finally be with James forever and ever."

Then I heard a loud beeping noise and James's voice got softer and softer as he kept saying that he loved me.

Then all in a matter of seconds that seemed like ages to me, doctors rushed in the room, I looked up and saw a flat line on the monitor. I fell to the ground in a mixture of screaming and crying. I caused him to do this.

JPOV:

I felt the air leve me in a whoosh. And I saw myself. Lying in a bed. I looked like half of a skeleton. And Katie's crying. I can't believe I did that. I left Katie being alone. Thinking it was her fault. "No I take it back!" I screamed but noone in the room could hear me. "PLEASE" let me take it back! I walked over to her and I tried to grab her. But each try I kept becoming farther and farther away from her I.

NO

I couldn't leve her!

Not like this.

I had to at least say good bye.

To the guys.

My family.

Katie… why was I so stupid. I would give anything just to tell her I loved her once more. And I was being pulled. And all that I can tell you from here is the last worldly thing I saw.

The gates to heaven.

Knowing I couldn't take back what I did, I walked in.

And all I have to say is this… learn from me. And don't make my mistakes.

NPOV:

Katie went to James's funeral and sang her first big hit.

**"Who Knew"**

You took my hand  
You showed me how  
You promised me you'd be around  
Uh huh  
That's right  
I took your words  
And I believed  
In everything  
You said to me  
Yeah huh  
That's right

If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong  
I know better  
Cause you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools  
And so convinced and just too cool  
Oh no  
No no  
I wish I could touch you again  
I wish I could still call you friend  
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now  
'fore they're long gone  
I guess I just didn't know how  
I was all wrong  
They knew better  
Still you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew

Yeah yeah  
I'll keep you locked in my head  
Until we meet again  
Until we  
Until we meet again  
And I won't forget you my friend  
What happened

If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong and  
**That last kiss  
I'll cherish  
Until we meet again  
And time makes  
It harder  
I wish I could remember  
But Id give  
Your memory  
if Youd visit me in my sleep  
My darling  
Who knew  
**My darling  
I miss you  
My darling  
Who knew 

Epilogue:

The guilt Katie felt was unbearable and two weeks later she took her life. They lived in heaven together forever. They were starved of everything in every since. And they paid the price.

_A/N:_

_This story is very personal to me as It is the story of a very good friend of mine luckily they still are alive today and it wasn't too late. I do not recommend anorexia or bulimia or self mutilation or condone it. I hope you liked my story and please review._


End file.
